How????

in the world can I even begin to write on this blog?????? The world has changed and I don't know what to think anymore. Grandma, my mother, the woman who is supposed to always be there for me and for Corey, the woman who cracks me up, frustrates me and loves me, Corey and this crazy messed up family unconditionally, has breast cancer. WTF???? How in the hell did this happen to her? To us? To anyone? The last week has been just absolutely ridiculous. From diagnosis to surgery - all in one week. I'm not coping well - I know I will at some point, but right now I'm really, really ticked. I'm on the internet all the time, reading, reading and reading more. And I don't like what I find. Too many sad stories. Too many boo=hoos and hang in theres. I want a cure, dangit.

Corey does not know what's going on. I know he sees me crying and he just asks if I'm tired. What do you say to a 7 almost 8 year old? All that I've read says to be honest so that your children aren't scared and understand cancer. BS. He's too young to understand, I think. He's too young to know this horror. I'm going to keep him innocent as long as I possibly can. And arm myself as much as i can with knowledge so I can be there with mom. Because I'm scared that I'm next. I'm scared that I'll diagnosed someday. I was put on this earth to have Corey - how can that same purpose be taken away? I know I'm getting ahead of myself here - but like I said - I'm ticked.

While my sweet innocent baby remains the same sweet innocent baby. A Halloween party yesterday as school that I ran - and kept me distracted and made him happy. ANd tonight, a classmate's skating party at Fun Spot that he is so excited about, how can I not catch that excitement? I have to be strong, but wow, this is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. I pray for strength. I pray for guidance. I pray for a cure.